You may and/or may not know that Major League Soccer is ready to kick off its 13th season.
To celebrate, "Greatest Pro Bowls of all time, and other stuff" will preview the upcoming season as only "Greatest Pro Bowls of all time, and other stuff" can.
Then, "Greatest Pro Bowls of all time, and other stuff" will host an MLS opening night viewing party. "Greatest Pro Bowls of all time, and other stuff" will have plenty of beer to drink and snacks to snack on as the Galaxy and Rapids go at it in glorious HD. You're not invited.
Below you will find teams listed in their predicted order of finish.
Eastern Conference
1. D.C. United Who to know: This team features three Argentinians -- Marcelo Gallardo, Franco Niell and Gonzalo Peralta -- and two Brazilians -- Luciano Emilio and Fred (no, not THAT Fred, silly!), which would seem like a recipe for success in the game of soccer. Need an added fun fact? Emilio is your defending Golden Boot champion.
One liner: United longer has to play second fiddle to the Washington Nationals at ol' RFK.
2. Chicago Fire
Who to know: Cuauhtémoc Blanco, who is not a favorite of loyal U.S. national team followers.
One liner: A full season with Blanco has to have Fire fans dreaming of capturing the big silver soccer ball trophy in that big game at the end of the season.
3. New England Revolution
Who to know: Taylor Twellman -- All's Twell with the Revo when No. 20 puts one in the back of the ol' onion basket.
One liner: Can Revo FC equal the Buffalo Bills' remarkable run of four consecutive appearances in the league championship game?
4. Red Bull New York
Who to know: Juan Pablo Angel -- If you're lucky enough to have an MLS fantasy team, you should make sure you have him on your roster.
One liner: The Red Bulls could be without the services of the talented Jozy Altidore for an extended period of time this summer as the forward will compete in the Games of the XXIX Olympiad in soccer, rhythmic gymnastics and the modern pentathlon (totally kidding about those last two events ... LOL!).
5. Kansas City Wizards
Who to know: Former Argentinian World Cup performer Claudio Lopez, who was arguably the biggest offseason signing in all of Major League Soccer, according to unnamed Internets sources.
One liner: The Wizards have moved out of cavernous Arrowhead and into CommunityAmerica Ballpark, where they will play until the team is moved to a more lucrative market.
6. Toronto FC
Who to know: The Red Patch Boys, which is a Toronto FC supporters group that apparently goes by the motto, "No girls allowed!"
One liner: Beating the Crew means winning the new Trillium Cup (named for the official wildflower of Ohio and the flower of the province of Ontario, just in case you were curious). Only at "Greatest Pro Bowls of all time, and other stuff" do you get that sort of knowledge.
7. Columbus Crew
Who to know: Guillermo Barros Schelotto, who is regarded as the most significant signing in club history. I dare you to try to name a more significant Crew FC signing. You can't, can you? Wait, can you?
One liner: Franchise-long playoff drought will extend to four seasons. Four seasons doesn't seem like that long of a time if you're a fan of teams such as the Arizona Cardinals (nine seasons without a playoff berth), Tampa Bay Devil Rays/now just the Rays (nine seasons) and Milwaukee Brewers (25 seasons ... still though, congratulations 1982 Brewers, champions of the American League!).
Western Conference
1. Chivas USA
Who to know: The ChivaGirls. The new 2008 squad will make their Home Depot Center debut on Saturday, April 5 when the local 11 takes on Real (pronounced REE-all) Salt Lake.
One liner: Remember, you heard it here first ... Goats will win the U.S. Open Cup and Superliga championship, but fail to make it to MLS Cup.
2. Los Angeles Galaxy
Who to know: David Beckham. Well, duh!
One liner: Second-place Western finish totally contingent on David Beckham and Carlos Ruiz staying out of the training room.
3. Houston Dynamo
Who to know: Dwayne De Rosario, who is described on his MLSnet.com player page as being "a dynamic player with a tremendous work ethic. He consistently pulls off the unexpected. He scores spectacular goals, and is very effective in distributing the ball in scoring opportunities." In other words, he's good.
One liner: Dynamos always earn major props for being only MLS team to prominently sport the color orange.
4. FC Dallas
Who to know: Kenny Cooper, who at a time played for the Manchester United reserve squad.
One liner: Dallas has not won a playoff series since 1999, when the team was known as the Burn. Thankfully, they changed that name.
5. Colorado Rapids
Who to know: Christian Gomez, the former league MVP who arrived at Dick's Sporting Goods Park to help Rapids FC reach Major League Soccer prominence.
One liner: The team that formerly looked like Inter Milan, now looks like Arsenal after a switch to burgundy as a primary color last season.
6. Real Salt Lake
Who to know: Kyle Beckerman, who sports dreadlocks and is also a relatively cheap alternative for the midfield of your Major League Soccer fantasy team.
One liner: Expansion is the only thing that keeps sad sack Salt Lake out of the Western Conference cellar.
7. San Jose Earthquakes
Who to know: Ronnie O'Brien, is Irish and apparently likes playing for expansion teams. Last year, O'Brien played for the expansion Toronto FCs.
One liner: The Earthquakes are the Cleveland Browns of MLS, or so we're being told. When the original Earthquakes/Clash moved to Houston to become the Dynamo, the team's colors, logo, history and records remained in San Jose. Sadly, the "new" Earthquakes couldn't keep the players, who won the MLS Cup again last year.
Speaking of the MLS Cup, let's make a Totally-Just-Guessing-On-This-One PredictionTM ...
MLS Cup 2008: Houston Dynamo over Chicago Fire. Place recreational bets accordingly.
David Beckham photo taken by talented picture taker Ben Liebenberg.
1 comment:
Wow, I'd knock the bottom out of that Chivas broad. Nice.
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